When do I usually write? I honestly write most of the time. It is just that when I experience extreme emotions, I write it on a piece of paper rather than type it. Think of it as saving myself from embarrassment and saving you from reading such things.
And maybe now you’re wondering what has happened to me these past months and why am I actually writing right now..
All I can say is that A LOT has happened. A LOT HAS CHANGED. From my college life to my social life to my bucket list, my travel experiences, my (love) life?? and even my haircut!!
These past months have been a roller coaster ride for me. I have experienced the most extreme emotions I have ever had EVER in my life. (I know, that’s redundant but I have to prove my point here!) These are not necessarily negative things but neither is everything positive.
It has been exactly 10 months since my last personal blog and though I cannot share with you everything that has happened because well.. I can’t remember everything or maybe I don’t want to remember everything? I’ll try and give you a jist of everything.
My views, values and morals have been challenged. My character was really tested because of the opportunities and situations that came my way. I am no superwoman but I believe that though that is the case, we still have the power to choose. It is important to never lose sight of yourself and the self that you want to be. At the end of the day, I think it will always boil down to “Did you do what you wanted to do but is within the “path” you want yourself to take? And while at it, did you not hurt any one with or without their knowledge?”. That’s a thought to ponder on.
Experience is the best teacher they say. But I believe too that prevention is better than cure. One need not experience everything for them to learn. It is best to learn from other’s mistakes to save yourself from the consequences.
I, too, have questioned myself a lot. I think this has got to be my biggest challenge. Admittedly, I still haven’t gotten over this hurdle until this point. I have been so reliant on how others think of me and it has made me over-think more than usual or more than what is “acceptable”. Because of over-thinking, my moods are sometimes unpredictable and there are times when I have tantrums and start petty fights with some people who I don’t think gives me enough attention. I become sarcastic, give them the silent treatment or just simply act cold to them. And well.. that is unfair for them. They don’t deserve that and I shouldn’t demand for anything since nothing is really official. Sometimes I just feel that I’m being put on reserve but there are no perks to being this kind of reserve.
Expectations lead to disappointments but there are times where I really can’t help but expect or at least hope for it. And when it doesn’t happen, of course, it affects me. I try not to get affected a lot and so far, it has worked a little for me. I know I have to work more on this.
Don’t get me wrong.. I know I can control it but before, when I do try to distance my self a bit, I actually end up totally pushing people away and I am tired of pushing people away. I am not used to controlled distances. I don’t pretend. I am my usual self when I’m with other people and I want them to be like that too. I dislike barriers.
When I want you in my life, I want you close. And if I start to believe that we have to have some distance and that this friendship or any other type of relationship needs that, I almost always end up too guarded to even want you close. I am a clingy person and a person of extremes. I don’t know if that is bad but.. I think I should learn to adjust. Or maybe distance myself if I feel like they don’t want me in their life? It’s hard to find out but I think I can act based on how they treat me and how they make me feel when with them or not.
Anyway I think this post is becoming too emotional
I have been going out a lot compared to before. I am used to going home straight after my classes just because I want to skip the traffic when going home at a later time. Now, I often go to school earlier to have lunch with friends. Or stay after class for dinner. Or even call them when I suddenly have breaks between classes. I have also been on a road trip Manila-Laguna-Tagaytay-Manila just because we wanted too. Also, because of one of my classes, I have been to Bohol with my classmates and it is just a different type of bonding for us. We learned so much about one another and ourselves too. It was unforgettable.
After 10 years of having long hair, I’ve decided to cut it short (not super short but 7-8 inches have been removed). I now sport a bob. Why? Well.. they say that women cut their hair when they’ve experienced something extreme that is out of the usual – and usually in a negative way and yea.. maybe that happened to me too? It is still fresh for me and there are times (often) that I still remember what happened but all I can say is that it worked somehow. I don’t know how to explain it but it really worked.
All of that plus more happened in a span of 10 months. I cannot describe how much these experiences have changed my outlook on life. But though I am far from perfect and from my ideal self, I am ready to continue changing for the better. Baby steps maybe but these are still steps.
Faith. Patience. Focus.
Lastly, I have made the OC organizer in me work too. I have been monitoring my finances again, trying to find opportunities to invest on, planning my future travels, updating my goals and planning on how to achieve them. I’m gonna let this stage of my life be about strengthening my character.
P.S I have my own car already too! just 8 days ago 🙂 yay to more adventures and hole-in-the-wall places 🙂
February 8, 2014
It speaks a lot about people’s self-confidence if you ask me.
Why can’t just they do it and while at it, have faith in themselves?
Is it because they are playing safe?
Is it because they are afraid of failing?
Fret not if you answered yes to one or both questions.
Every one has been through this phase.
That is human nature.
What we can do about it is start having faith in oneself.
For others to fully believe in our capabilities, it is important that we know what we are capable of.
Once we know, we can then improve more on it and highlight it when the right opportunity comes our way.
I, too, am guilty of selling myself short to other people.
Apart from being afraid to be seen as too proud of myself, I also don’t have 100% confidence in what I can bring to the table.
I have yet to rebuild my self-confidence but I know that I am getting there.
I am very determined now to step up my game and just show everyone that I can do what I aspire and dream to do – without appearing as someone who is full of oneself.
This is so because of the recent realization of my dream — to be a cabin crew for Emirates Airlines someday.
Dream today; Make it happen tomorrow.
People hear the word SACRIFICE, and they become afraid that something will be taken away from them or that they will have to give up something they couldn’t live without. Sacrifice, to them, means loss in a world telling us we could have it all. But I believe TRUE SACRIFICE IS A VICTORY. That’s because it requires free will to give up something for someone you love, or something or someone you love more than yourself. I won’t lie to you. It’s a gamble. Sacrifice wont take away pain and loss, but it wins the battle against bitterness, the bitterness that dims the light on all of the true value in our lives.