When do I usually write? I honestly write most of the time. It is just that when I experience extreme emotions, I write it on a piece of paper rather than type it. Think of it as saving myself from embarrassment and saving you from reading such things.
And maybe now you’re wondering what has happened to me these past months and why am I actually writing right now..
All I can say is that A LOT has happened. A LOT HAS CHANGED. From my college life to my social life to my bucket list, my travel experiences, my (love) life?? and even my haircut!!
These past months have been a roller coaster ride for me. I have experienced the most extreme emotions I have ever had EVER in my life. (I know, that’s redundant but I have to prove my point here!) These are not necessarily negative things but neither is everything positive.
It has been exactly 10 months since my last personal blog and though I cannot share with you everything that has happened because well.. I can’t remember everything or maybe I don’t want to remember everything? I’ll try and give you a jist of everything.
My views, values and morals have been challenged. My character was really tested because of the opportunities and situations that came my way. I am no superwoman but I believe that though that is the case, we still have the power to choose. It is important to never lose sight of yourself and the self that you want to be. At the end of the day, I think it will always boil down to “Did you do what you wanted to do but is within the “path” you want yourself to take? And while at it, did you not hurt any one with or without their knowledge?”. That’s a thought to ponder on.
Experience is the best teacher they say. But I believe too that prevention is better than cure. One need not experience everything for them to learn. It is best to learn from other’s mistakes to save yourself from the consequences.
I, too, have questioned myself a lot. I think this has got to be my biggest challenge. Admittedly, I still haven’t gotten over this hurdle until this point. I have been so reliant on how others think of me and it has made me over-think more than usual or more than what is “acceptable”. Because of over-thinking, my moods are sometimes unpredictable and there are times when I have tantrums and start petty fights with some people who I don’t think gives me enough attention. I become sarcastic, give them the silent treatment or just simply act cold to them. And well.. that is unfair for them. They don’t deserve that and I shouldn’t demand for anything since nothing is really official. Sometimes I just feel that I’m being put on reserve but there are no perks to being this kind of reserve.
Expectations lead to disappointments but there are times where I really can’t help but expect or at least hope for it. And when it doesn’t happen, of course, it affects me. I try not to get affected a lot and so far, it has worked a little for me. I know I have to work more on this.
Don’t get me wrong.. I know I can control it but before, when I do try to distance my self a bit, I actually end up totally pushing people away and I am tired of pushing people away. I am not used to controlled distances. I don’t pretend. I am my usual self when I’m with other people and I want them to be like that too. I dislike barriers.
When I want you in my life, I want you close. And if I start to believe that we have to have some distance and that this friendship or any other type of relationship needs that, I almost always end up too guarded to even want you close. I am a clingy person and a person of extremes. I don’t know if that is bad but.. I think I should learn to adjust. Or maybe distance myself if I feel like they don’t want me in their life? It’s hard to find out but I think I can act based on how they treat me and how they make me feel when with them or not.
Anyway I think this post is becoming too emotional
I have been going out a lot compared to before. I am used to going home straight after my classes just because I want to skip the traffic when going home at a later time. Now, I often go to school earlier to have lunch with friends. Or stay after class for dinner. Or even call them when I suddenly have breaks between classes. I have also been on a road trip Manila-Laguna-Tagaytay-Manila just because we wanted too. Also, because of one of my classes, I have been to Bohol with my classmates and it is just a different type of bonding for us. We learned so much about one another and ourselves too. It was unforgettable.
After 10 years of having long hair, I’ve decided to cut it short (not super short but 7-8 inches have been removed). I now sport a bob. Why? Well.. they say that women cut their hair when they’ve experienced something extreme that is out of the usual – and usually in a negative way and yea.. maybe that happened to me too? It is still fresh for me and there are times (often) that I still remember what happened but all I can say is that it worked somehow. I don’t know how to explain it but it really worked.
All of that plus more happened in a span of 10 months. I cannot describe how much these experiences have changed my outlook on life. But though I am far from perfect and from my ideal self, I am ready to continue changing for the better. Baby steps maybe but these are still steps.
Faith. Patience. Focus.
Lastly, I have made the OC organizer in me work too. I have been monitoring my finances again, trying to find opportunities to invest on, planning my future travels, updating my goals and planning on how to achieve them. I’m gonna let this stage of my life be about strengthening my character.
P.S I have my own car already too! just 8 days ago 🙂 yay to more adventures and hole-in-the-wall places 🙂
As you may have guessed already…
I plan to blog every single day of this year.
Not only do I want to keep this blog active but I also want to improve my writing.
250 words per blog post will be my minimum.
As early as now, I want to clarify that not everything that I post might make sense to you.
It will cover random things from what happened at work (yes, work) to my biases to new discoveries to my reactions on articles and such.
And to explain what I mean by work..
As I have said before here, I will have a term away from school to discover myself more and to give my dad’s craft a chance.
Who knows.. I might actually love it after trying it right?
I’ve come to realize – with the help of the internet – that since I’m going to be entering my 20s soon which is crucial for self-growth, I should dedicate this year for myself and for myself only.
Yes, I know that sounds a bit selfish but I really want this year to be for self-improvement.
I want to love myself.
Not that I do not.. but I don’t think I love myself that much.
Okay I admit that there are times that I feel that I am conceited or whatnot but there is something deep within me that doesn’t accept what I am fully.
I have a lot of insecurities that no one else knows but me.
I want to remove them all and prove to myself that I shouldn’t be feeling what I am feeling about my issues right now.
I really want to give myself a present for my 21st birthday next year and that gift is my improved self.
What do you think? 🙂
As I have mentioned before, I am trying to regulate my sleep cycle because of my
unhealthy sleeping pattern.
Just last night (morning), I slept at around 1:30 AM which is a big leap for me because sleeping at 4-5 AM is regular for me.
Today, I am scheduled to enlist my subjects at 11:00 AM online.
Luckily, I woke up even before my alarms sounded.
I woke up around 6:30 in the morning and I couldn’t sleep anymore.
I only had 5 hours of sleep and 8 hours is regular for me.
Now, it is almost 2 PM and I feel very sleepy.
My head actually hurts a little but I am fighting it off.
I know that if I sleep now, I’ll wake up at around dinner time hence, make my sleep cycle even more irregular.
I am currently trying to distract myself from sleeping and finding ways to entertain myself.
어떻게, 어떻게!? / eotteoke, eotteoke!?
Eottoke means ”what to do” or ”how” depending on how it is used in a sentence. 🙂
Almost 11 and a half hour ago, I said I was going to clean my room..
Yes I did.
Aside from the 30-minute bath I just came from now, I just finished cleaning.
It was like an 11-hour workout for me!
Cleaning my room was like hitting two birds with one stone.
I cleaned and at the same time I worked out.
Truthfully, my back is really sore as well as my legs because of too much movement but it feels great.
The feeling is so fresh and clean and it just makes you want to be on the bed until tomorrow night.
It feels great to finally accomplish such a task before school starts because I know I might not have the luxury of time to do this again.
As a reward, I shall search for the series I watch every Sunday which is We Got Married Global Version starring Taecyeon of 2PM with Gui-Gui, a taiwanese actress (if I’m not mistaken) and Hongki of FT Island with Fuji Mina, a Japanese actress.
Letting go is probably one of the hardest things to do in life.
The relationship acquired, the time spent or just the mere value of a certain person or thing to us will be tested.
But why do we need to let go?
Can’t we just hold on to it a little bit more?
Every situation is different in itself.
Re-evaluation is needed to get those timely answers.
Not right answers because i think *right* is subjective when it comes to relationships.
It is always best to try hard in doing everything that you can and not giving up but one should learn to let go as well – if it is for the better.
Finally decided to let go?
Let go and move forward.
Many people find it hard to move on after letting go but I still think that with these things, no one else can see the bigger picture better more than yourself.
We cannot expect anyone to vouch for us except for ourselves.
One should learn to fight and stand up.
I’ve thought about it for such a long time already and I think I am ready to let go..
And that I actually have to let go already.
I have to let go of the other side of me.
There is always a room for improvement.
Not that one has to be perfect but I believe everyone should maximize their potentials for us to live our lives to the fullest.
You may wonder what I mean by letting go of the other side of me.
Well, I want to change my lifestyle starting today.
I’ll start by changing my sedentary lifestyle.
I want to be more active and do other activities – those that require me to get out of bed.
Starting next week, I will try my very very very best to go to the gym near my house at least twice a week.
I need not spend the whole day there or lift weights.
30 minutes of running is enough for a “gym day”.
I will change my sleep cycle.
As crazy as it may sound, I can’t remember the last time I slept at 10 PM or even till 12 MN.
I always sleep late.
Usually around 4 AM but last week my sleep cycle has been even more crazy – I sleep at around 6 to 7 AM.
I am definitely not a morning person but I think I should train myself to become one.
Waking up early.
This may be the hardest thing to do since I LOVE SLEEPING more than I love food.
usually don’t take breakfast since I am still asleep at that time.
My body clock tells me after 8 hours of sleep to wake up and if I sleep at 4 AM, after 8 hours, what do you think the time will be?
You do the math.
Clothes, things and my room.
Everyone grows physically.
(Not necessarily horizontally.)
But until when should I hold on to the clothes that did fit me a year or years before and now it doesn’t?
I keep holding on to it thinking that I can still wear it when I lose some weight.
For my things, I am sometimes too sentimental that I keep even the things that are considered trash by many.
A messy room.
And so I’ve decided to let go and just sell them for cheap so that I’ll have funds to buy new clothes and things.
A cleaner environment = a more stable mind.
There have actually been studies that proved how a clean room boosts one’s mental capacity!
I am a student.
I SHOULD go to school everyday and not be lazy even when I have no tests.
I’ll try joining organizations and be active in them since it will be for my future.
Even though I have no tests, I should still study at home even for just a short while.
For now, that is my plan.
Right after I post this, I’ll start cleaning my room. 🙂
How about you?
Any plans of letting go?
I honestly no know nothing about Brian Lee.
It just so happened that I was on StumbleUpon and I saw this article.
At that time, I was not really down or anything but rather bored – I guess.
It has been awhile since I last read this and now that I am reading it again, it is still as effective.
It motivates you to do those little changes and makes you understand how the world works.
It helped me see the world in another light – a brighter light.
I cannot guarantee that it will have the same effect to you as it did to me but rest assured, it will make a difference.
So here is the original article.
(Note: the text inside the parentheses – ( text ) – are written by me. It contains my personal opinions.)
10 Sentences that Can Change Your Life
By: Brian Lee
The power of a sentence is tremendous. A single destructive sentence can ruin somebody’s life, make your day, or change your mood. Fortunately, there are some sentences that can give us power to go on. We have sorted out 10 powerful sentences that can change your life for the better.
#1 “People aren’t against you; they are for themselves.”
(This, I believe, is so true.
Every person (I think) has asked himself or herself this: “Why does it seem like everyone or everything is against me” – or something similar to that.
What we fail to realize is that maybe they or the world isn’t really against us.
It is just that the right time hasn’t come for what you want to happen.
Also, when we ask help from someone, we shouldn’t expect them to help us always.
They have their own reasons and not everyone explains their side which makes us misunderstand them.
To be able to communicate effectively always is not possible.
This makes a room for misunderstandings and I think this is one thing all human beings must understand and continue to work on.)
#2 “Climb mountains not so the world can see you, but so you can see the world.”
(The world is such a big place and there is so much to learn from it.
One should strive not for fame or for material gain but for knowledge and experience.
Personally, as a self-proclaimed wanderer in my own way, this made so much sense.
I’m not sure on what was the original context behind the quote but I got to relate to this is by relating it to travel.
To climb mountains is to travel ; so you can see the world is to knowledge and experience.
Travel not for the sake of travelling but travel to experience other cultures and new things and from there, you’ll learn about life and the world as a whole.
*This is personally my favourite quote ✈ ♥ )
#3 “You learn more from failure than from success; don’t let it stop you. Failure builds character.”
#4 “The most dangerous risk of all – The risk of spending your life not doing what you want on the bet you can buy yourself the freedom to do it later”
(I’ve written a post before about hesitation.)
#5 “Go where you’re celebrated, not where you’re tolerated.”
#6 “The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so you better try to make yourself as interesting as possible.”
#7 “If you accept your limitations you go beyond them.”
#8 “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing.. that’s why we recommend it daily.”
(Personally, when I feel down at times or when I just feel like it, I go into a “Law of Attraction mode”.
I do this to keep myself motivated and to continuously learn.
I admit that I am online most of the time because I am fond of researching about places and random things that interest me.
As a kind of person who easily gets bored of things (according to my friend—but it is kinda true), I really need constant update so as not to get bored.
When I get bored, I can be the laziest person alive.
So for me, this is really helpful.
When things get rough and you feel like there is no hope left, try going into the “Law of Attraction mode” by researching about what you currently want to attract into your life.
Doing it everyday is much better.)
#9 “Everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something”
(I think this has a connection with the first quote.
Every one is alike in some way.
So don’t feel down and lonely.)
#10 “Comfort is the enemy of achievement.”
(Once you are in your comfort zone, you are restricted.
Restricted in many ways.
So many ways that you miss the chance of improving yourself.
Again, the post I’ve written about hesitation is related to this.)
Life is all about adventures.
We should not be afraid to take risks because it is the only way we can enjoy life.
Recently, I’ve been coming across numerous articles about how one should live life or what one should do when presented with a situation.
For me though, I think only one thing is important..
and that is to do or continue doing what makes you happy or what you think will make you happy.
Immortality doesn’t exist.
No one knows when your time will be up.
Death is inevitable.
If you keep procrastinating, you may end up actually not doing it at all.
I am not scaring you or myself of death but let us be realistic.
You truly can never know.
Yes, it still depends on what you are currently – especially if you are already responsible for things like your own family – because you have to consider them in making decisions.
But do not let things like these hinder you from doing what you really want.
So while you are young and while you still can, seize the day.
Don’t let opportunities just pass by you.
Grab them and try your best.
If you live your life with regrets, you wouldn’t be able to appreciate fully the blessings that you have.
근양 or keunyang means just / simply / just because.. hence the title. ^o^
These past few days has been a wild ride for me.
From school works till family matters.
Everything honestly seems to be going out of hand.
I honestly have perfected the art of being passive..or so I thought.
It is just that lately a lot of extreme things are happening around me that I can’t seem to have a control of anything which frustrates me.
Not that I have a problem with not being in control of everything but……..it is just like that.
I must admit that before, I used to be overly sensitive – – when I was much much younger.
TRUST ME. My relatives tell me this a lot.
My relatives from my mother’s side loves teasing each other.
It is their unique way of expressing I care for you so I’m spending my time with you even if I’m teasing you.
They believe in “ang maasar, talo” which means you lose if you get frustrated or annoyed and the like. (I can’t seem to find the right word)
Before, I easily get annoyed, angry, I cry and I even throw tantrums.
As I grew up, my tolerance for these things grew and made me “a more mature individual” (I think. ^^)
I don’t get easily angry or annoyed when small bad things happen. Sometimes even big ones.
I learned to adjust well to my surroundings and to the circumstances presented to me.
I’m not sure whether my recent frustration is due to my over thinking mind, my usual OC self or just because the people around me are just taking advantage of everything that they can.
I have been passive of the small and average bad things that people around me are doing but they just keep on stepping on the line and just recently, they have crossed it!
They went over the acceptable boundaries!
For the cold treatment I am giving them now, I can give no other excuse to them but 근양.
Yes, I am younger than them but age doesn’t dictate what level of respect a person has to give to you.
Not because I am younger means I am the person who should understand more and let their actions just pass.
Okay. Enough of the rant. Just had to let it out.
– – – wanderrwithmee